• Being Dara

Being T.K Legunsen


It is only befitting that I begin this with a statement followed by a quote I read from Dara’s book “Seventy” that subsequently changed my life before our paths even crossed:

Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Miriam was a gossiper, Martha was a worrier, Gideon was insecure, Thomas was a doubter, Sarah was impatient, Elijah was depressed, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was old and Lazarus was dead.

"God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called”. - excerpt from SEVENTY: A Work In Progress

The moment I read that line, I decided that I wouldn’t allow the fear of my past to hinder me from fulfilling something I had long completed. I wouldn’t allow the fact that at one point in my life I had been labelled almost every name in the sentences above to shackle my destiny, (Including dead). I wouldn’t allow a prophecies over my life to become futile, and so I released my book – “Diaries of Marriage: A Time to love” and truly allowed God to showcase His miracle-working power through me. God qualified me despite my transgressions.

I AM T.K....

I grew up in a Christian home to an absolutely incredible mother. When I think of the numerous sacrifices she has made in order to raise both my brothers and me as a single parent (dare I say), and provide us with only the best, I am in awe of her determination, her strength, and her love for her children. If I am honest, sometimes I genuinely believe she is not my mother but an angel in disguise, and it is to then no surprise I grew up to marry a woman who replicated what I deemed such remarkable traits. To be fair, my father wasn’t entirely absent through his own choice. Whilst growing up I remember him being extremely intelligent, well built, chiselled and a somewhat charming man. I couldn’t even bring him along to the school parents’ evening meetings without either teachers or students drooling over his olympian built body, or making passing comments regarding the looks of a man who at one point looked like his face had carefully been sculpted by angels. Naturally, the attention he received made the relationship between him and my mother volatile at times, with accusations of infidelity, and my father’s flirtatious nature (though innocuous in his eyes), often contributing to spells of separation between the two of them, yet I idolised the man especially the attention he received.

My Mother, witnessing her son's growing up and adopting the looks of their father took it upon herself to teach us what some would deem rather peculiar values to teach young male children. She taught us the value of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and more importantly, what I believe more parents should teach their sons; the importance of finding a wife and settling down.

Unfortunately, as soon as I hit university all of her teachings went straight out of the window. I had developed an insatiable lust for women that quickly outweighed my love for God. Furthermore, I had somehow managed to adopt my father’s charming demeanour, and It was this charm which enrolled me on a whirlwind course full of flings, relationships and apologies. Apologies ultimately to God throughout my time at university.

You see by the time I reached my final year of University I had somehow contracted pneumonia and tuberculosis which had spread across both lungs – I was told I was dying. To further compound matters, my body had been rejecting the antibiotics to support recovery, and instead of me turning to my heavenly Father for help, I was too busy trying to ensure I kept the various women I had been seeing apart. I mean seriously, do you know how difficult it is to play Mr Casanova in a sick bed? Every time I had a female visitor come over I was too preoccupied rushing woman A out of my ward so that there was no chance of her bumping into woman B. Not to mention woman C randomly messaging me with no prior warning may I add, to say she was parking outside the hospital, and on top of that, a girlfriend who comes as she pleases to visit me – it took more breath out of me than the microorganisms attacking away at my lungs.

One night I had no visitors and decided to spend the whole night researching pneumonia and tuberculosis…. That was the actual moment I realised the severity of my condition, that was the night I realised that most people die from one or the other, and there I was with both.

As though a tap had been opened, tears began to fill my eyes like water from a running bath and pour down the sides of my cheek. After about an hour of opening the floodgates to my soul, I finally stopped crying.

I started to remember all the messages I heard in church - the usual “cry to God for help and He will be there” type messages. “Repent of your sins and ask God for mercy” sort of services. Ironically, my mother’s teachings to me as a child about finding a wife also came to mind and so with nothing left to do – I prayed. I prayed so hard I began to sniffle like a school kid who had just had his lunch money taken from him and stared deeply into the sclera of the ceiling in my ward, its piercing white eyes staring right back at me; opening my mouth and saying “God, if you are real, save me and then I will change my whole life. I will stop chasing women, messing around and I will dedicate my life and time to not just God but also the things of God”. In my mind, after such a genuine, heartfelt cry for help, I remember believing I would hear this loud thundering voice of God pierce through the ceilings and speak to me - but there was nothing, so I slept off.

Fast forward 4 years and apart from a torn lung, I am still here…

STILL T.K… BUT NOW A HUSBAND.




The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22:

“he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”.


Not she that finds a husband, but HE, and it is HE that obtains favour from the Lord.Isn’t it funny then, that the devil has manipulated the mindset of most young men in our generation to either abuse the love of our partners, or fear commitment and marriage – the area that God has ordained that a man should utilise in order obtain his favour?

I'm not a pastor, nor am I a prophet, I am simply a young man with a story to tell. However, what I do know is who you marry can completely transform your destiny and it is therefore imperative that we put as much emphasis, discipline, and boundaries on love and relationships as we do in our careers…. Let me elaborate.

When I first left the hospital I remember eventually finding the confidence in myself to enter into a relationship again (when I was ill my weight plummeted to 8stone from 13stone, and with it, my confidence). Like my wife now, this girl had heard about my life at university but was still willing to give it a go with me. However, when I told this ex I wanted to write a book about relationships, and collate every lesson learnt, lesson read, or lesson spoken, into one place, she said 'who would buy a book from a guy like you? Just like that, I gave up writing, she was right. What credibility did I have?

A year after we had split I met my now wife and I told her the same thing, I told her I wanted to write this book. She looked me straight in my eyes and told me "if it’s what God has laid in your heart, do it, and do it with all you got".

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him”

-Colossians 3:17

This book has transformed the direction of my life. I have been invited to speak at international Christian events, spoken on radio shows like Premier Gospel, and also invited to speak at events for new writers. Yet NONE of this would have happened had I not found the RIGHT spouse. As I alluded to right at the beginning, it is also my wife the led me to Dara’s book “Seventy”. An old friend of Dara’s, she purchased this incredible book on the day it was released in support of her friend. Though I had completed my own book I was scared to release it. I was consumed by the constant thought of my promiscuous past overshadowing this newly reformed life I was trying to live. One night I couldn’t sleep and I saw this book on the table, so I read it ... The first page I see –

“God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called” So the fact that Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Miriam was a gossiper, Martha was a worrier, Gideon was insecure, Thomas was a doubter, Sarah was impatient, Elijah was depressed, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was old and Lazarus was dead. God still used each and every one of them.

So this my opportunity to also say thank you, Dara, for telling your story as it helped me tell mine.

Fast forward 5 years and apart from a torn lung, I am still here…

STILL T.K…STILL A HUSBAND…BUT NOW AN AUTHOR.



I have been fortunate to meet a few couples who have been married for 30+ years - something I find truly incredible in itself. What strikes me the most about these couples however, is that they share the same passions!

They may not be in the same line of work but they love the same things. One couple shares a passion for travel, another a passion for fashion, the next a passion for Christ. Your passions will always form the foundation of who you are. So once you have explored them and figured out WHAT you love, let it not only lead you to WHO to love but also your God-ordained purpose.

In Genesis 2:22 the Bible says -

“God then used the rib he had taken from the man to make woman and presented her to the man.”

When I first heard this Scripture the first thing I did was search Google to see if this was a fact. However, as I grew in my faith I realised that having an understanding of the Bible runs deeper than reading words from a page. In reality, if we opened up the human body, pulled out a rib, then decided to put that rib back, technically it should fit, right? It wouldn’t be easy. You would need to mould a few muscles, tighten up a few loose bones here and there, but in the end, it would fit in its natural position.

Now consider this when choosing your future spouse. When the Bible says she was created from the rib of a man it means that YOUR woman/YOUR man was created to FIT in with your life and your purpose - your visions, your aspirations, your passions. Yes, you will both need to make adjustments to help grow together but your foundation - your vision, your identified purpose, shouldn't be lost or compromised.

My wife is passionate about the same four things I am Fashion, Food, Fitness and Business. One day in passing I told her a common problem I was facing. I mean wouldn’t it be so amazing if there was an app that sorted the menu of fast food chain restaurants for me. I mean I train hard, but my busy 9-5 lifestyle means I often find myself eating out frequently. I want to be able to walk into my Nandos or Wagamama, and view their menu based on things like protein, fats, carbohydrates listed from high to low. Better yet, what if an app could simply tell me what I could consider eating if I am in Subway, and want the best meal for me as I try to attain certain fitness-related goals, like to lose weight….. So she told me to build it.



MUNCHIT AVAILABLE TO DOWNLOAD HERE



A man plants a seed in a woman, but it is the woman that gives birth to a child was something my pastor used to preach all the time. That one simple conversation led to an app I developed named ‘Munchit’, an app that is quickly climbing the download numbers on the Android and IOS app store. However, it is the fact I not only identified but held on to my passions that helped me identify that my wife was God ordained as her passions FIT with all of mine.

Fast forward 6 years and apart from a torn lung, I am still here…

STILL T.K…STILL A HUSBAND…STILL AN AUTHOR….BUT NOW AN ENTREPRENEUR…AND ALSO A FATHER!


So essentially I have spent my whole ‘BEING’ speaking about the beauty of finding my wife and it is for one simple reason - our generation seems to have forgotten the beauty and blessings released in marriage. Throughout the Bible where God changes someone’s name; think Sarai to Sarah, Jacob to Israel, Simon to Peter, Abram to Abraham, there is an elevation. There is a release of new a found blessing signed sealed, and delivered, by God. God propelled Sarah from a position of being barren to a position of being bountiful: Genesis 17:16:

“I will bless her, and moreover I will give you a son by her; I will bless her and she shall be a mother of nations,”

In other words, when you step into your marriage, and you say “I do” in the presence of your family, friends, but more importantly God, don’t worry about your past situations or hindrances. You have invited God to step into your marriage and as long as you and your partner stand on His word, He will elevate you both.

And to conclude, It is this message I have now dedicated my life to promoting a message of love, a message to remind us that God Himself is love and that who you were doesn’t determine who you will become.

Thank you for reading

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@diariesofmarriage

munchit

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